Welcome, FOOLS, to my site of crimefighting goodness!
Background:
Although I hardly have to explain myself to the likes of you, I for some reason feel the need to explain my goals and my needs. You should feel lucky because my life story is both captivating and unique!
Shortly after being born, I realized that I had gained superhuman mutant abilities and talents! Using only the powers of my mind, I am able to shoot DEADLY lightning bolts from my nipples, create CAUSTIC clouds of stench, and belch loud enough to rattle the mightiest structures to the ground! Truly my powers are the greatest in the universe, and I am still discovering more as time goes on. KNOW THIS, MORTAL.
I have decided to devote my time, for now, to the pursuit of crime fighting and its related activities. I have constructed a top-secret laboratory deep inside Yukon territories, where I orchestrate and launch devastating attacks against all who would dare do EVIL! For what reason do I fight evildoers? Simple! I want money, fortune, and fame! I want all to recognize me as the SUPREME crime fighter in the world! PAY UP FOR MY SERVICES, OR I'M OUTTA HERE
News:
My arch-nemesis TURKEYBOY has struck again! You should be thankful that I have taken the TIME and EFFORT to document my conquests. BAH. As if I need to prove myself to you anyway, here is the recording from my CRIME-CORDER(tm)
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